Breakfast At Tiffany's

Breakfast at Tiffany's???




Dream on-lah...Haha...For the mean time, go RasaMas...Hahaho...=)

Haha...breakfast at RasaMas's...I was at KL Sentral this morning and rather than having McBreakfast, I had Nasi Lemak with teh tarik...how Malaysian...wth...

Now, don't get me wrong. I love Nasi Lemak and teh tarik but this is the first time I had both together for breakfast...hmm...not that bad...hahaho


PS - If only Malaysia has Boxing Day sales...*sigh*...and I meant REAL sales, not some chiplak 50percent off but still have to pay like RM100++...sheesh...

A positive outlook

Maybe I should look on to the bright side of every event that happened in my life.
Maybe I should stop comparing myself with other people.
Maybe I should stop shedding tears when everyone's fast asleep.
Maybe I should have more confidence in my writing...just because I scored terribly in my SAT, it did not mean that I have problem with writing.
Maybe I should really take some time off to relax and do things that I love.
Maybe I should cook dinner more =) *especially the chicken wings*
Maybe I should start eating more apples instead of oranges.
Maybe I should watch more of Steven Chow's lame movies...I really like them because they have never failed to make me burst into fits of laughter...haha.
Maybe I should start feeling good about myself...overall.
Maybe I should start believing that I can do this.
Maybe I should start believing in something.
Maybe I should share my stories with people.
Maybe I should start pampering and praising myself on my achievements.
Maybe I should just buy that yellow top and a jacket/sweater/cardigan from Zara...Shit, I really wanted to go shopping again.
Maybe I should bug Mother Mary to bring me to MOS...or Rum's...or Sincero...ughh
Maybe I should just go for a game of pool.
Maybe I should let my inner voice shine through me...but how?
Maybe I should buy another pair of shoes...and a watch too.
Maybe I should stop staying up so late...*my latest best friend is China's national treasure*
Maybe I should stop hating that fella...and his buds...
Maybe I should prevent my Mom from asking my cousin's boyfriend whether his dad was my nemesis's Dad...ok lah, that fella is not really my nemesis lah...




Maybe I should stop typing this now and go to bed...
All hails to my first past midnight post...
I should fill this space with more positive energy...seriously. This place totally lacks all the "good" energy. I really, really wanted to feel good about myself, in whatever that I am doing. It has been very tough for me lately.

Actually, I'm the one who's making my life miserable. I'm pushing myself a little too much lately. I wanted to confide to somebody but I...I don't know why I simply could not bring those words to my mouth. I really wanted to fly to the States next fall, to begin my freshman in the one of the universities which I would be applying to soon (cue HBPNCW...especially HPNW).

But sometimes, wanting something to happen is different from something actually happening.

The other evening, while I was having my shower, a notion suddenly came into light. I realized that I was afraid of the consequences of failing to get admitted into the schools that I applied to (especially when I had applied to 7 schools and none of them wanted me) - being laughed at, going crazy (I've been dying to further my studies oversea since I-don't-know-when), feelings of dejection et cetera. I was just terribly afraid of facing them!

Perhaps this is the "thing" that has been preventing me too see myself clearly.

To write or not to write

*Cue Shakespeare*

I am now facing a mid-life crisis. No joke. MID LIFE CRISIS.

It's hard to keep going strong, keeping the momentum going all the times, 24/7. No rest at all. Period. I wish I inherited some of Einstein's genes. No, not the mind-blowing, out of the world experiments conducting ability, but rather, his perseverance. Imagine failing 1000 times but never allowed any of these failures to bring you down. I wonder how he kept his spirit high despite everyone around him laughing at his "stupidity"; some even called him an idiot.

But heck, I'm in a whole different scenario!

My friends - they all have high hopes on me - they always do =) My cousins too, especially Natalie (the Aussie one); she too thinks that I've got what it takes to nail it...big time. My uncles and aunties - they said they see no reason why I can't nail it.

Er, except for my appa and omma...they were always asking me not to pressure myself too much...oh well...I think they were afraid that I, their one and only daughter, would go haywire should I failed miserably in my quest.

And of course myself, being the ultra-ego ***** that I am, I tend to compare myself with other people (which was totally redundant) to feed my ego appetite. Period.

And from another perspective, I could see that Einstein himself was probably a bloke with immense confidence. He probably felt good about himself, felt good about his capability et cetera...and oh, he probably lived in his own world that whatever other people's comments were, he just didn't bother. "I just don't give them a damn," said Einstein.

Perhaps these were the two major difference between me and Einstein. I don't feel good about myself and I cared too much how other people would view me (it's not easy to be a recipient of the scholarship).

Worst still, most people that I knew of thought that this whole, on-going process as something so simple, so menial, that they found weird - me thinking too much of it. I really need some good Samaritan to shed some lights on me...*Oh Samaritan, where art thou?*

Have mercy on me please, Lord...

@#XDYR#$%$%$...since when did I lose my confidence? Sob Sob...

Of dejections and rejections

Remember there's this shop known as Reject Shop?

I used to criticize the clothes sold there, calling them outdated, ugly and et cetera.
I wondered how these clothes feel...after all, they were rejected stocks.

The feeling of being a reject is, well, bitter. Like quinine. It feels like as if the whole world had abandoned me, leaving me alone on Earth, waiting for the time bomb to explode. And then, the explosives will tear me into a million pieces...

I should have listen to cute-but-expressionless Keannu Reeves's caveat but I never took it seriously. Now, I'm left dumbfounded, hurt and dejected.

Again, my alarm bells are ringing vociferously while my spirit is deteriorating. I'm losing myself...

Disclaimer: This is not a post to advertise Keannu Reeves's latest cinema hit, The Day The Earth Stood Still.

Dreaming it big

Something happened earlier on and I was pretty embarrassed at this sudden, rather impromptu exposure of my dreams.

Now, the reason why I got bashful was that I cared too much of how other people are perceiving me as an individual. You know, just a normal individual. A normal individual with only normal appearance (I'm not hideous), normal intelligence (I'm no Einstein and of course, I did not score perfectly for all my exams), normal attitude, ...well, just pretty much normal I'll say. So, I get pretty upset easily when I feel that other people are starting to evaluate me as a normal individual who just cannot make it big, based on all these normality.

But to hell you go, people!

There's no rules saying that a normal and simple person cannot dream big. There's no laws saying that only people with an excellent intelligence level and an affluent background can dream big. There's no such things that only you can make it to the top while I have to work my ass off to fulfill minimum criteria to even peak. That's absurd! Sometimes, it was due to the existence of these people that I began to doubt myself, my credentials and my capabilities.

If normal people were to dream modestly, then we probably would not be having Tony Fernandez and AirAsia, Lee Ka-shing, Bill Gates and Microsoft, FaceBook and even, Donald Trump (ah yes!).

So from now onwards, I shall stop feeling bashful and embarrassed about my goals in life. At least I have the guts to dream big, unlike certain people who tried to play safe in whatever they do in lives (siapa yang termakan cili, hah, dialah yang rasa pedas). At least I gave my best in everything that I do in my life and I did not stop halfway through the process of realizing my dreams =)...Besides, I can at least boast to my cucu-cicit that I, their moyang, had once dreamed so big.

It doesn't matter whether my dreams came true or not. It doesn't matter even if I fall short of my goals. What matter most are that I have tried and savored the process of attaining my goals, which will make me a better normal individual!

Huaiting!!!

Digression:

The Buddha taught his disciples to end all cravings (which probably includes dreaming big and having big goals, I think) because cravings lead to sufferings (it's in the Four Noble Truths thinghy) . It was quite true and plausible to certain extents but then...I wasn't exactly a loyal follower of the Buddha's teachings so...hmm...

Heck, I should be studying for tomorrow...

Yikes! It's December!!?

The corny adage, "How time flies!"...

Oh well...this is just a quick post to testify that I am pretty much alive (thank you very much)...but the application and tests are killing me every second.

Arrghhh...

But then, I'm going home soon! =) I miss mummy and daddy and everyone back home!!!

I also wanna go shopping!!!








Sigh...have to wait for a few more days jek...oh well...
*Morph back into study-battle mode*