A positive outlook

Maybe I should look on to the bright side of every event that happened in my life.
Maybe I should stop comparing myself with other people.
Maybe I should stop shedding tears when everyone's fast asleep.
Maybe I should have more confidence in my writing...just because I scored terribly in my SAT, it did not mean that I have problem with writing.
Maybe I should really take some time off to relax and do things that I love.
Maybe I should cook dinner more =) *especially the chicken wings*
Maybe I should start eating more apples instead of oranges.
Maybe I should watch more of Steven Chow's lame movies...I really like them because they have never failed to make me burst into fits of laughter...haha.
Maybe I should start feeling good about myself...overall.
Maybe I should start believing that I can do this.
Maybe I should start believing in something.
Maybe I should share my stories with people.
Maybe I should start pampering and praising myself on my achievements.
Maybe I should just buy that yellow top and a jacket/sweater/cardigan from Zara...Shit, I really wanted to go shopping again.
Maybe I should bug Mother Mary to bring me to MOS...or Rum's...or Sincero...ughh
Maybe I should just go for a game of pool.
Maybe I should let my inner voice shine through me...but how?
Maybe I should buy another pair of shoes...and a watch too.
Maybe I should stop staying up so late...*my latest best friend is China's national treasure*
Maybe I should stop hating that fella...and his buds...
Maybe I should prevent my Mom from asking my cousin's boyfriend whether his dad was my nemesis's Dad...ok lah, that fella is not really my nemesis lah...




Maybe I should stop typing this now and go to bed...
All hails to my first past midnight post...
I should fill this space with more positive energy...seriously. This place totally lacks all the "good" energy. I really, really wanted to feel good about myself, in whatever that I am doing. It has been very tough for me lately.

Actually, I'm the one who's making my life miserable. I'm pushing myself a little too much lately. I wanted to confide to somebody but I...I don't know why I simply could not bring those words to my mouth. I really wanted to fly to the States next fall, to begin my freshman in the one of the universities which I would be applying to soon (cue HBPNCW...especially HPNW).

But sometimes, wanting something to happen is different from something actually happening.

The other evening, while I was having my shower, a notion suddenly came into light. I realized that I was afraid of the consequences of failing to get admitted into the schools that I applied to (especially when I had applied to 7 schools and none of them wanted me) - being laughed at, going crazy (I've been dying to further my studies oversea since I-don't-know-when), feelings of dejection et cetera. I was just terribly afraid of facing them!

Perhaps this is the "thing" that has been preventing me too see myself clearly.